I catch myself at times being a royal bitch. Well I'm typically always a bitch. One way or another, it's just going to happen. I'm at a point in my life where everything pisses me off and with few exceptions everyone pisses me off as well.
I'm beginning to worry though that some of my ways will rub off on my darling little girl. Ya see I have a lot of...issues. Not in the sense that I'm neurotic or unbalanced or anything..
My main thing right now is my weight. Sure I am far from fat as I tend to call myself. But I've blown past my preferred weight. With that I am not comfortable. Few of you followers have read my struggles with my weight issues. What bothers me most is, I'd hate for my daughter to ever say those things. I hate the idea that she could possible develop some eating disorder because of her Mommy's crazyness.
There I said it... I think I could be slightly crazy. Just a little!
Then there is of course my cleaning spells. I do it...constantly. If I'm home, I'm cleaning. I don't spend much time sitting on the couch. I don't spend much time being affectionate. That's another issue. Is it bad that my child has or will develop issues with PDA or any form of A for that matter? Am I some how in the wrong for not being an affectionate person? I do hug my child though. It's how I've always been or how I tend to end up anyway.
It bugs me my child might grow up to be like me.... But why should it?
I have so many things that scare me, things I hear my child say she doesn't like either. She says she won't go back in the water, because of a "foot in mouth" moment I had the other night. Yea so apparently it never registered with my darling that sharks are in the ocean. Even in Florida. Yea, so now she's got a phobia with that. Just like me. Spiders, snakes, certain foods. Gawd!
It's a vicious cycle... Isn't it?
Like we always said, We didn't want to grow up to be like our parents... It's inevitable isn't it. They're going to grow up and be like us...Aren't they?
I could sit and stress that issue.. But instead I think I will keep being myself and if I see my child reflecting any of my negativity. We set it straight then. Till then I try and keep things to myself, things of the eating and weight issues.
Till then I will keep being the same old rawking Mommy that I've always been. Because no matter what my issues might be, I'm a good Mom and that's all there is to it!!!
We can't help showing our fears at times but our kids won't necessarily take on our traits - they have feelings and minds of their own as they grow but they certainly are influenced by us in some instances.
ReplyDeleteA good education, being there and some life guidance is sometimes all they need to feel secure. I feel that with mine anyhow. We don't need constant cuddles to show affection, that can come in other little ways - winks or smiles or daft little games, singing a favourite song ect.
Kids will grow up cussing and such - that's life. And there's a bit of a bitch in every female - that's what God gave us periods for. To partake in biting everyone's head off once a month!
I've no doubt you're a great mum. And I've downloaded the picture above (hope you don't mind) I know a lot of gals who fits the bill perfectly!
As long as you're a good mom, that's all that matters. Although I think a fear of sharks is definitely a legitimate one:)
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, set aside a specific half hour or hour when you'd be cleaning to just sit and chill with her, hug her, make time just for her.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's amazing what kids do pick up. Unfortunately my niece has heard me, my mom and her mom all bitch about our weight, and now she is always saying she is fat and needs to lose weight. Makes me sad. Plus all the media and airbrushing and blah blah.
No one parents perfectly. You izza good ma!