Lack there of,

It's been a minute since I posted in this dear blog of mine.

As most of you may be well aware, 

I stay busy..

All the time..

But a random thought I had tonight

After a recent battle with, for lack of a better word, lack of sexy times...

It's safe to say I felt exactly like this girl.

Ahh the things we go through some times..

In need of a reminder ...

I can sit and say over and over again that you're suppose to always remember how beautiful you are and that you're always beautiful. No matter what.

It's times like these when I myself forget to remember these things.  When I sit and just can't see past all that's blocking said beauty.

Never mind the fact that the person in your life you'd think would remind you of this has shunned the thought himself.

It's times like these when I sit and go .... So this is the payback I get for all that bad shit I've done in my life.

Damn ..

Karma really is a bitch isn't she?

Will it be OK?

I find myself reliving the moment she let go of her life

It's so hard to bear. 

So hard to stand this life without her in it.  

Failure

source

I can't help but fear I failed you ...
That day when you made me aware of the lump,
I didn't flip and send you out to the Dr then.
I let you tell me that some other procedure was more important.

I failed you ..

Now you're gone ...
I won't get to see you again,
I won't get to call you
talk to you
visit with you
show you my new hair color..

I've failed you ..
I know that I have

Had I not failed,
you may still be here with me.

You're beautiful

source

"You are beautiful"
Are there any better words?
Any words that could make you feel better?
Make you feel loved..
If only for a moment?

How about I love you...

....alone....

Realizing I have no one,

I need someone.

No more secrets

I deleted my private blog today, the place I would go where no one knew my name.

 The place where those friendly folks had not a bad word to say to me.

Not a frown on their faces.

A place where they to had some bad things to say that maybe they didn't want people to know.

I decided I didn't need this place anymore.

I realized it's not my style to hide behind a name.

I behind a faceless image. 

It's not my style.

I'm better than that

I don't need the secret life anymore.

I simply need ME.

I think I'd found happy recently

I think it's something I don't think I need

For many a reason

I don't think that was the happy for me. 

I think I just need me

I think I've lost me

I think I'm going to work on bringing her back, because I miss her. 

Tired ..... of being....

-UW