Monday, April 16, 2012

Bad Mommy?

I catch myself at times being a royal bitch. Well I'm typically always a bitch. One way or another, it's just going to happen. I'm at a point in my life where everything pisses me off and with few exceptions everyone pisses me off as well.

I'm beginning to worry though that some of my ways will rub off on my darling little girl.  Ya see I have a lot of...issues. Not in the sense that I'm neurotic or unbalanced or anything..

My main thing right now is my weight. Sure I am far from fat  as I tend to call myself.  But I've blown past my preferred weight.  With that I am not comfortable.  Few of you followers have read my struggles with my weight issues.  What bothers me most is, I'd hate for my daughter to ever say those things. I hate the idea that she could possible develop some eating disorder because of her Mommy's crazyness. 

There I said it... I think I could be slightly crazy.  Just a little!

Then there is of course my cleaning spells. I do it...constantly. If I'm home, I'm cleaning. I don't spend much time sitting on the couch. I don't spend much time being affectionate. That's another  issue. Is it bad that my child has or will develop issues with PDA or any form of A for that matter? Am I some how in the wrong for not being an affectionate person?  I do hug my child though.  It's how I've always been or how I tend to end up anyway.

It bugs me my child might grow up to be like me.... But why should it?

I have so many things that scare me, things I hear my child say she doesn't like either. She says she won't go back in the water, because of a "foot in mouth" moment I had the other night.  Yea so apparently it never registered with my darling that sharks are in the ocean. Even in Florida.  Yea, so now she's got a phobia with that.  Just like me. Spiders, snakes, certain foods.  Gawd! 

It's a vicious cycle... Isn't it?

Like we always said, We didn't want to grow up to be like our parents... It's inevitable isn't it.  They're going to grow up and be like us...Aren't they? 

I could sit and stress that issue.. But instead I think I will keep being myself and if I see my child reflecting any of my negativity. We set it straight then.  Till then I try and keep things to myself, things of the eating and weight issues. 

Till then I will keep being the same old rawking Mommy that I've always been. Because no matter what my issues might be, I'm a good Mom and that's all there is to it!!! 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I'm ready

I watched her pass by the mirror
One last glance to check her shoes
I'd seen them pass by already
They were glorious!  A deep red, like fresh blood
Very attractive addition to the silky smooth black and blue dress
Her short dark hair spiked and ready to go.
The eyeliner drawn perfectly around those blue eyes
I look awesome she thought to herself
Turning with a smile
It was time to head out for the night.