In need of a reminder ...

I can sit and say over and over again that you're suppose to always remember how beautiful you are and that you're always beautiful. No matter what.

It's times like these when I myself forget to remember these things.  When I sit and just can't see past all that's blocking said beauty.

Never mind the fact that the person in your life you'd think would remind you of this has shunned the thought himself.

It's times like these when I sit and go .... So this is the payback I get for all that bad shit I've done in my life.

Damn ..

Karma really is a bitch isn't she?

Will it be OK?

I find myself reliving the moment she let go of her life

It's so hard to bear. 

So hard to stand this life without her in it.  

Failure

source

I can't help but fear I failed you ...
That day when you made me aware of the lump,
I didn't flip and send you out to the Dr then.
I let you tell me that some other procedure was more important.

I failed you ..

Now you're gone ...
I won't get to see you again,
I won't get to call you
talk to you
visit with you
show you my new hair color..

I've failed you ..
I know that I have

Had I not failed,
you may still be here with me.